Zynga Poker? Try Frontierville For Your Gambling...

It may be that you like a quick flutter, the excitement of hoping Lady Luck puts her hand on your shoulder, the intense highs and debilitating lows of gambling.

But Zynga Poker doesn't necessarily have to be your outlet, the way Frontierville works means you end up relying on luck just as much as any game of chance, actually probably more as this game doesn't allow for the skills of card players to help themselves.

One question we often have on the page is asking what the chances are of a random event happening, a collection item dropping or a varmint appearing, even why some debris appears and others don't, and why they're not getting it.

The way Frontierville works in these situations is by rolling a digital die, one with 1000 sides to it. A die that, in reality, would have to be so big it would probably need to be rolled on the Bonneville Salt Flats so it didn't crush any buildings.

Each random event is allocated a range of numbers on the die and if one pops up... ding, ding, we have a winner! (Or loser, depending if you really WANTED that varmint...)

This means nothing is ever certain. I can sit here and tell you the chances of events happening but that's no concrete answer to how often things will happen for YOU. Welcome to chaos.

Let's take Coyotes as the most recent random event.

I cant remember the exact number so let's say *plucking a nice round number from the air* there's a 1 in 10 chance of a coyote appearing. That on the digital die if the roll is 1-100, up pops a coyote.

So, you feed a chicken, the die rolls... nothing, you do it again, and again, until finally you've fed 9 chickens. Because I've said it's a 1 in 10 chance, it'll seem like this final chicken should make a coyote appear! But it doesn't.

So, let's say it's a 10% chance instead. It's still highly unlikely that feeding 100 chickens will pop 10 coyotes. Some folks will have more, some less, some, by the law of averages, WILL have 10 coyotes... but that's more about luck again.

When you roll a die it's a 1 in 6 chance of a certain number appearing... but once you've rolled it you STILL have the 1 in 6 chance, the die, just like the game, doesn't keep a track of the numbers and not allow a second, third, fourth roll of the same number. Every roll is a single event, and that's how Frontierville drops it's goodies.

So, like all good betting shops, we can give you the odds of something appearing, but we really can't tell you a winner.

Almost everything that appears in game does so by a random roll of the dice, and often fears the game is glitched because something doesn't turn up, or in fact DOES turn up, is actually not a glitch but down, instead, to one of the most uncontrollable elements in the world.

Pure dumb luck, today available in two flavours, Good and Bad.

In honour of today's topic today's prize for reading is an invisible poker table for the characters to use when you're not looking. So if you log on one day and find Bess down to her underwear you'll know she's not joining the Poker World Tour any time soon...

Servers, Rollouts and Keeping Up With The Joneses...

I'm not really what you'd call religious, but I do quite like many of the Ten Commandments that God gave Charlton Heston all those centuries ago. Not killing, stealing or lying, respecting parents, not cheating on your significant other... these are all things that I think should translate easily into life for even the most fevered athiest.

One I admit I do have trouble with is the final one, not so much coveting my neighbours wife (he can have her...) but his ass donkey. Envy seems exceptionally difficult to control because it's almost visceral, it's a subconscious feeling of want rather than an active decision.

Envy is also extremely prevalent on our wall and in Frontierville... How many times have you heard the phrase "My neighbour has *insert mission here* and I don't..."

We see those posts popping up for new request items, we read about the missions on the excellent "Frontierville Express" (The folks who do that site must be geniuses...) and we WANT IT!

Well, we have a lot of questions on the page about how stuff rolls out and why it's so slow getting to people, so I thought I'd explain the general method and the reasons why here, with the help of another AAD, Andy's Awful Diagram.

Firstly a little basic info. The rollouts don't follow a set pattern, so just because you or a friend have it first THIS time, doesn't mean you'll have it first NEXT time, they share it around.

Also geography, time of joining, level etc, none of that has much bearing on your server. You likely as not won't have the same server as someone else in your house, or in your street. You'll likely not have the same server as someone who joined around about the same time as you.

When you join you're randomly assigned a server using a formula I don't know, be it the least pressured server at that time, your zodiac sign or your inside leg measurement, not totally sure. But there's no real way to be able to say "Friend A has that server, so should I."

Now, onto the rolling out procedure and the AAD.

Imagine the servers for Zynga as water storage tanks....

As you can see from that, there's a reason the rollouts are slow and come to one server at a time.

For a start if they tried to put the new stuff on every server at the same time the crash would be immense, the grinding would be terrible in the same way as trying to use a computer to copy something onto 20 different hard drives is slow and laborious, there's only so much a computer can do at any one time, the more servers they tried to fill, the slower things would be and the worse problems they'd cause.

Most people might notice slowdown for the few seconds/minutes it takes to load the info into a server. If they tried to add them ALL at the same time, we'd have hours of pure server gridlock.

The other reason is the one I put up there in the AAD.

Although everything is tested in house on production servers in a beta environment NOTHING is perfect and things can still slip through, stuff that only happens when the server load is heavier or when more people are all using a feature at the same time.

No testing is ever 100% certain in the same way as no condom is 100% certain to stop pregnancy. When the Zynga devs send the updates and new stuff out they know there's the chance of an unwanted glitch baby, and although they've taken every precaution, it'll happen.

So by rolling it slowly they also catch problems and glitches from the 1-5% who've had the update already and can patch it or put a hold on the mission before it reaches everyone else.

We've seen some missions come out before that have been put on hold for glitches and personally I'd rather see a solid game feature come out slowly with minimal glitches than everyone having it quickly... but it's broken.

So, next time a mission comes out, feel free to be envious of those folks who have it and impatient to get your hands on it... but remember there are reasons the rollouts are slow and steady, and they're for our our own good.

Your invisible gift is a special one today, 50, yes FIFTY invisible feeders crafted specially in my invisible blacksmiths. Feeding all your much loved invisible animals will never be easier...

Frontierville Addiction Therapy

Twitches? Stuttering? Cold, clammy skin?

Yes, I fear you're suffering from a Frontierville addiction and are currently having withdrawal symptoms due to the problems in the game.

Well, we here at Frontierville Express are here to help! We've created this handy list of things you can do in your everyday life to ease the pain and suffering of not being able to get in the game.

Each task has three levels. For minor addiction simply complete the main action, for medium addiction also complete the "added realism" section... and for critical addiction use the "ultimate realism" section as well. Some sections require the help of at least one assistant and will be marked with (A).

----

Prepare your family - Insist on dressing your spouse and children for the day ahead.

For added realism - Change their hairstyles and colour.

For ultimate realism - Acquire a degree in plastic surgery. Subtly alter their facial features, ears and eye colour for aesthetic value.

----

Build a cabin - Due to planning restrictions, difficulty and time we suggest the cabin is made from Lego (other building blocks are available). This will also give a realistic level of customisation as you can change all fittings and the wall colours to fit your homestead theme.

For added realism - Knock on your neighbours doors and request Lego bricks to finish your cabin. Once you have 5, stop and try again in 8 hours.

For ultimate realism - Ask them to pass the Lego brick through a closed window, allowing you to see the building material you need but not actually get it.

----

Visit neighbours - Enter your neighbours back gardens and do five things they might want doing.

For added realism - be sure to remove any cacti, skulls and other debris. They'll love you for that. Ignore any signs suggesting this may not be what they'd desire, these were obviously left there since before the debris took over.

For ultimate realism - Take something made of cloth from their clothesline. Please note that the neighbour's reaction, newspaper coverage and bail amount will vary wildly depending on what was taken.

----

Experience Issues - Every now and then stop, close your eyes, wait for about two minutes then open them again to "refresh life".

For added realism (A) - Have an assistant put back anything you've moved and undo any work from the last five minutes.

For ultimate realism (A) - Hire an old man to jump out from around a corner and loudly state to your face "Blasted Life just went quiet on me!" For the morale and self-worth of the assistant we ask that you do not use a deaf old man.

----

Tend a pig - Purchase a pig (from a reputable breeder obviously). Every so often feed the pig and watch it grow. Be warned this may take some time to work, this is not a glitch, merely a feature of nature that, I fear, is not hackable.

For added realism (A) - Take a hard hairband, attach to this a small clip with a long arm such as those that hold table numbers in restaurants. Into this place an arrow cut from yellow cardboard. Every six hours have your assistant place this on the pig to remind you to feed it, removing it directly afterwards.

For ultimate realism (A) - Have your assistant throw coins, cardboard stars and a packet of bacon at you randomly when feeding the pig.

----

Grow tomatoes - Purchase some tomatoes and place somewhere in your garden. Water every fifteen minutes.

For added realism (A) - Every now and then when watering the tomatoes have an assistant place a live groundhog in the middle of the tomatoes and clobber with a spade remove carefully and look after in excellent conditions, making sure it's being cared for well, ready to be brought out again next time.

For ultimate realism - Write to Zynga and complain that you planted tomatoes an hour ago and have tended them four times but they still haven't grown. Demand they fix the glitch.

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Canning - At regular intervals raid any nearby fruit trees, vegetable plots and supermarkets for food. Do not eat the food, simply store it while complaining how much you dislike doing it.

For added realism - When you have a certain amount of food, give it away.

For ultimate realism - Just before you have enough food to give away, give them a fiver instead.

----

Clear debris - As a game-relevant option do not mow your lawn, simply pull up each blade of grass individually.

For added realism (A) - Have an assistant randomly spread rocks, flowers and the occasional cow skull into your garden when you're not watching.

For ultimate realism (A) - Have an assistant acquire a rattlesnake and  ██████████ your ██████ ██ ██████ ████ then ███████ ███ █████████ ██ █ ████████ suck out the poison from your █████ ███ █████████ ██ █ █████████ ████ veterinarian. (This tip has had to be censored for health and safety reasons).

----

Have your hair cut - Visit your local barbers and request he cuts your hair.

For added realism - Ask to see his menu of haircuts. Pick one of a completely different colour and length (for added XP shave your head then ask for long flowing locks).

For ultimate realism - When leaving, take one of the barbers chairs as it's the last remaining thing you need to "finish your collection".

----

Tend a mystery animal (A?) - Visit your local Zoo and beg the keepers for the chance to enter the penguin enclosure. If needs be, use words such as "lifelong ambition" and "terminal illness". If required take along a small child to use as the target. Once you're in, feed a penguin.

For added realism - When the keepers aren't looking attempt to place alice band-antlers on penguin's head.

For ultimate realism - When released from the police station ask if the penguin dropped any Mystery Animal Collectibles. Request directions to nearest alternative zoo with polar bears. Purchase Santa hat in preparation.

----

Hopefully if you've completed all these tasks correctly you will be filled with the warmth of Frontierville and no longer feeling such crushing withdrawal symptoms.

You're welcome.

Dr Andy M.D.

A little perception change goes a long way...

Reading the variety of complaints on the wall of our Facebook Page right now it occurs to me that many things could be helped by both sides of the gaming environment for Frontierville, Zynga and the players, thinking of Frontierville more as a video game than a time waster such as Farmville.

As a long term gamer who's had computers and consoles almost his entire life, since a Sinclair Spectrum 48k at the age of three (Lord love rubber keyboards and replaceable membranes), I tend to see Frontierville in a different light to some of the other members.

One of the biggest complaints from members seems to revolve solely around the mission requirements and can be narrowed down to "it's too hard" or "it'll take too long".

It's fair to say we live in a world of instant gratification but also, at it's core, Frontierville is a video game and, as such, contains a difficulty curve the further in you get.

I think many of the players of online games, especially things like Zynga games, are used to the Farmville model. When I played that game it really didn't matter that much when you levelled up or what you did during the day, occasionally you got different gifts to send or different crops to plant but it was all much of a muchness, one of the major reasons I left.

On the other hoof, Frontierville has a mission structure, and as such needs to be treated slightly differently, almost like the games people, like I, flock to buy for our Playstation 3s, our X-Boxes and our Wiis.

As you play Frontierville you collect resources, you increase your energy bar, you gain more neighbours who can assist with missions either by being hired or by coming and helping out directly. Because of this, to keep us interested, to keep us coming back, they need to make the missions harder.

Even a third of the way down the mission tree we have things like "Build Up" which needs the terrifyingly difficult requirements of clearing 8 grass and building a general store. How about two thirds of the way through where we find "Learn About Sunflowers" and have to harvest 20 Sunflowers, unwither one for a neighbour and tend 5 more on a neighbour's plot.

Not exactly under the heading of "taxing".

Now, however, things are getting interesting. We're seeing mission threads that will take days, weeks even, to complete. Long term missions that are actually difficult, and this seems to confuse some of the players, I think because they've never really played "traditional" video games and don't understand the difficulty mechanic.

Frontierville has never promised to be easy or quick. The earlier missions that could be completed in a few hours with minimal effort perhaps lulled some people into a false sense of security, they gave succour to people's demand for an instant rush and became exceptionally playable because they fed people's desire to succeed by praising them and rewarding them even up to three or four times a day.

Play a video game and you understand one thing, the longer you go, the more you play, the higher your level... all of that means the upcoming missions will be tougher, longer and much more challenging.

My current choice of game "Dragon Age: Origins" begins with short bursts through enemies who will fall over if you breathe on them too hard (shouldn't have had the extra garlic bread)... Well, that was 14 levels ago, my next mission will involve killing a dragon 6 times the height of me with just three colleagues and some sharp weaponry. It's going to be a nightmare and, in previous experience, will take at least 10-20 minutes for a single battle.

It'll be long, it'll be tiring, I might well die at least once in trying to kill the darn dragon and might even get frustrated to the point of lobbing my controller out the nearest window.

I'm REALLY looking forward to it.

If I'd had this mission even 5 or 6 levels ago I'd pretty much be prepared to die easily and never, ever be able to complete it. But because it's come in later when I've levelled up, got more powerful and got bigger friends I'm hopeful I'll complete the mission.

This is the same in Frontierville. If I'd had the upcoming expansion mission 4 or 5 months ago I'd be screwed. But right now I have more friends to send me stuff, I have more cash to buy the needed items, I've got the energy and stored food to be able to harvest everything I need to.

It'll still take me ages to complete but that's fine. Just as Frontierville never promises to be easy, it also never promises to be quick. For me if the game was short sharp bursts of easy missions I'd probably give up, I prefer a challenge. I want games to reward me because I did something difficult, not just because I successfully worked out which was the left mouse button and clicked something successfully (although as my left mouse button is my right mouse button and my mouse isn't a mouse this, in itself, can be something of a challenge for the uninitiated).

Of course, we also get the other half of the equation, if the missions are too easy and finished too quickly the biggest complaint we get on the wall is that people are bored and they want more stuff or they want harder missions.

If the missions are too difficult the biggest complaint we get (sometimes, I'll openly admit frustratingly, it's even the same people) is that the missions take too long, need too much stuff... Missions should be quick and easy, even for people of levels 80+.

I think for Zynga this counts as a no-win situation... in the same way as folks complain about missions with glitches, then complain when missions are put on hold to fix glitches... It can't be easy to know whatever they do in these situations is going to be complained about.

However, having said that I wonder if there's one video game staple the Frontierville devs might think to slip in at some point which might at least calm some folks, both the missionless and the ones who want things easier.

Levelling bonuses. Special items, special bonuses as you level up, above and beyond an energy refill and a horseshoe.

My fellow admin and VG lover Esta mentioned this in a chat this morning. As you level up in video games you're generally rewarded with a boost to your ability, not just your bank balance... and the thought arrived from her of more School Missions (A thought I will now happily steal and twist to my own ends in this blog).

Yes folks, it's Andy's Imaginary Game Features time again.

What about every few levels we received a new School Lesson that would actually HELP in missions, but also be a collecting challenge to pick up all the necessary School supplies?

I think it's fair to say the School is criminally underused once you reach a certain level so how about this... Every 5 levels you get a Lesson that gives you an extra energy point, every 10 you get a Lesson to be able to hire an extra neighbour. Lessons that'll really aid in missions rather than just mean a few extra coins or XP when harvesting things.

By later levels money, wood, food... they're all huge totals anyway and almost irrelevant but those helpful things like Energy and Hiring... THAT'S something we'd all love to have.

Right now levelling is almost pointless (something that makes chicken farming all the more useless) as we gain very little when we do... So perhaps it's time for Zynga, as well as the players, to look at the game in a slightly new light, as a fully fledged video game. Think level reward items, think more things we could aim for BETWEEN missions and make us think about tending our animals and trees at normal times, not just when the game tells us to do it for a mission.

The Jackalope badges have already brought one very successful video game staple, the Achievements, to Frontierville... so maybe it's time to think of other ways the world of consoles could make Frontierville an even better game?

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Because today's post is especially long and rambling the prize is something equally special. Anyone who reads this will get... AN INVISIBLE HOMESTEAD EXPANSION! Yes, I know it's what you've all been begging for so here it is, two more tiles of invisible space will appear around your homestead for you to keep all your invisible animals and buildings in, once you've deleted the invisible debris that came with it.

Service With A Smile

This little blog post is coming after a suggestion from Nancy, one of our members.

We often need to tell you to contact Zynga, but rarely go into much detail about how to get the best response and help... so here it is. I worked for over 8 years at a radio station and sometimes part of a shift would be to answer phone calls and listener correspondence. Also, as a self confessed nerd, I've spent a huge chunk of my life running unofficial IT support, both for the radio station and for family and friends.

Hopefully this means I know of what I'm about to speak. Everything here is my personal opinion based on experience and some knowledge, it's not an "official" guide and it doesn't come from Zynga, my only talk with a CS rep has been to try and fix a game problem, not a discussion of how they feel about the players.

I'm also NOT a Zynga rep or anything to do with the company, this is my own feelings from outside, before people shoot off and suggest this was written by someone connected with the company. Right, now that's out the way...

Getting customer service with Zynga is best seen as a two part process. What you can do before you get a hold of them, and then how to treat the request itself.

1) Before writing.

Obviously the first thing to do is come ask a question on our Facebook Wall, we're not omniscient and we can't do a lot for many of the more serious glitches but a lot of the simpler stuff we've picked up answers for. You may find within 5 minutes of asking on the wall your problem is solved, otherwise if it's beyond our expertise we'll send you to the big guns of Big Z.

So, onto Zynga, we get a lot of complaints about generic replies, especially to first emails. Often telling them to try a few basic things before real mention of the problem is made.

The thing is, this needs to be done. More than you may realise, problems can be solved by Occam's Razor, a theory that suggests the simplest explanation is often the correct one.

There's a reason why IT support ask if you've shut down and rebooted your computer, there's a reason tech support ask you if you've unplugged the appliance and plugged it back in again and there's a reason why Zynga ask you to do basic stuff in your browser.

Often it works.

There's no point an IT rep spending half an hour in your computer when a simple reboot would have fixed it. Sometimes these problems are completely unsolvable in any other way because they've simply appeared in the strange world of the computer and have no cause and cure.

Equally Flash games can glitch for the simplest reason, so before contacting Zynga just follow this flow chart:

Does My Game Work?	- Yes -	Playtime!
| No |
Reload the Game
|
Does my game work NOW?	- Yes -	Playtime!
| No |
Clear your Browser Cache and Cookies Instructions HERE
|
Does my game work NOW?	- Yes -	Playtime!
| No |
Clear your Flashe Cache Instructions HERE
|
Does my game work NOW?	- Yes -	Playtime!
| No |
Contact Zynga HERE

If you do these simple housekeeping things first then it's one less step out the way. Can't say you wont still get a possible default email but at least you can respond quickly and say you've done all the basics. It's surprising how often doing the above works.

2) OK, we've had to contact them...

Right, this first bit may come across as slightly personal because it comes from answering support calls while being a very low rung on the ladder.

The person on the other end of the line is a human being AND, more often than not, totally unable to help with deep technical queries without assistance. The person you speak to is a customer service operator, not a game developer and not a manager. I cannot stress this next part enough so I apologise for the emphasis but I feel it's worth it.

IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT

We know the inherent annoyance and frustration of the game not working. I'm just a player like you and have had the glitches, problems and issues. You know what? The people on the other end of the line probably are too, and they also know the irritation you're feeling.

But going in with all guns blazing, using ALL CAPS and adding punctuation like it's got a sell by date (you all know what I mean!!!!!?!?!?!!??!!!!?!?!) will... well, it'll still get you helped because they're professionals... but personally if I had a choice between a calm letter or caller and a wildly flailing exclamation mark machine cussing at me? I know which one was most likely to get help first.

If I buy something and it turns out to be defective I pop back to the store and I request a replacement or a refund, with a smile because I know the poor sod behind the counter didn't put together that toaster with his bare hands. He takes the money and puts it in a drawer.

Some people on the other hand do go a little wild and end up berating shop staff like they've personally insulted them, just about stopping before slapping them across the face with a glove and demanding satisfaction via a duel at dawn. This is a (somewhat) family blog so I won't go into detail about what I think of them when I see this but suffice to say you wouldn't say it to your Aunt Mabel.

When you're writing to Zynga, be it via email or live chat, just take a moment to read back what you wrote and the impression it gives of you. The Rep doesn't know you personally, doesn't get a chance to go look at your Facebook profile and see a wall full of peace lilies and cute kittens. All they know about you is that one missive.

If I was asked (which I'm not) this would be my short list of do's and dont's for any message to Zynga.

Do... understand that the person on the other end of the line is a person.
Don't... swear. There's no reason at all to swear at a stranger over this. If you find yourself moved to profanity over an internet game, shut down the PC or laptop and go look at some flowers, stroke a puppy, eat some Belgian Chocolate (Americans, I can't push this step enough, taste some Belgian Chocolate and all your worries will leave you... Europeans have a word for US chocolate; bread).

Do... realise the person on the other end can't magically fix all problems, they might need a delay to contact a developer or a higher force.
Don't... threaten that you're going to leave the game, especially if it's because of a time frame. "If I don't get an answer today I'm deleting!" Well, if you're addicted enough you're getting this wound up? You're not giving up your fix any time soon. I see it a lot and strangely it's often the same people over a six month period who've "given up" approximately once a fortnight.

Do... try to put your problem clearly and try to be as grammatical as you can.
Don't... use CAPS LOCK, excessive punctuation!!?1?"!!!11! or txtspk... it's hard enough sometimes to work out what a problem is at the best of times, without the reps needing to break out a 133t dictionary to translate it to their native language or wade through CAPS and !?!s which make things much harder to read.

Basically, I think the answer is to treat the person on the other end with respect, understand game issues aren't their fault and realise that, as Nancy said to me in her email, you always catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Or, as I like to put it, you catch more friends with a smile than a shout.

I almost forgot your reward for reading the whole page! I'm out of invisible animals so... today your prize is an invisible Saloon, placed just off the right edge of your homestead. You can't see it or activate it but every time you log off? All your avatars (especially Jack) run off there for a drink... if the game takes a bit longer to load you'll know it's because they're staggering back to position.

Turning the air blue...ish.

[WARNING, may contain language that will offend. But probably not.]

Something that's come up a couple times recently has been the issue of swearing on the internet, even what COUNTS as swearing and whether we should be allowing it on the page.

Now, it'll come as no surprise to most people reading this I am something of a curser in real life. If I smack my thumb doing DIY I do not, despite my Englishness, say "golly, that's a rum do...", I descend into a few choice words that are usually bleeped out on TV.

I think it's GOOD to curse randomly at pain and life in general. It lets out the anger, eases our mind and hopefully stops us bottling everything up until we become small balls of rage just waiting to go postal.

However, when it comes to the internet I do baulk at using profanity on the page. This is partly because I'm an admin and, despite all evidence to the contrary, to try to act like a responsible adult. It's also because it just doesn't seem right, the page is a public space and is full of people I know as members, but don't know personally.

I wouldn't sit in a cafe or pub cursing loudly, I wouldn't sit in a park shouting profanity until my face went blue. I don't believe in swearing excessively in front of children or people who find it distasteful.

But... this then brings up the question of what IS swearing?

Let me pop a few words out to you and see if you faint or not.

Darn, heck, fudge, flip, pish... Or my late father's favourite, bollards.

Anyone feeling a little lightheaded? Any red faces at my vile tongue? I certainly hope not.

For as long as I can remember I've known these semi-curses are out there. I certainly didn't know what many of them were replacements for when I was a kid, I learnt as I grew up and my language expanded to the more adult end of the spectrum.

I would happily use any of those words on the page and be fine if others did the same. They're sort of... swear words with immunity. We know what people mean when they say fudge, but in my mind it loses all it's impact. It's like saying we can't use the word poop because we know it also means sh... you know where I'm going.

What's often interesting to me is how ordinary words became swear words... or when swear words became ordinary words, I'm nerdy enough that the genesis of language interests me, the basis behind words and their history. This often shows up strange times where words have almost changed morality overnight.

I will now say a rude word... those of a sensitive disposition look away.

Right. Poppycock. Any reaction from those not looking away? POPPYCOCK. How about now?

Poppycock, for those who don't know, is a largely English word, usually used by army officers in films to say something is rubbish. "They're going to attack us tonight? Poppycock!"

Here comes the interesting part. That word comes from Dutch originally, and directly translated means soft sh... poop.

I think it's fair to say if you told someone what they'd said was "soft poop" they'd be a little more unhappy than calling it poppycock... because that word has been leeched of it's origins and become fair game.

On the other hand, we have the C word. Four letters, ends in T... I think everyone reading this probably knows the word of which I speak. It's generally held to be the most vile swearword around and still not allowed in polite society or on the TV. Use it in a live broadcast on the telly and you'll be presenting a shopping channel in the middle of the night before you even hear the echo.

Even I will refrain from using the C word, except in the most extreme cases. I'd NEVER say it to someone I didn't know and I'd never use it to describe someone.

However not that long ago, a mere blink of an eye in galactic time, that word was totally acceptable, in fact it was the de-facto word for describing that part of a lady in slang terms. Many bits of literature from around that time use it openly, even the more "serious" ones, not just the generally rude Chaucer etc.

In a relatively small step of time that word has gone from open and easy usage, to possibly the most hated word in the English language... and we don't really know why. One day someone decided it was rude, mentioned it to someone else and, in a wonderful example of the evolution of language, before long it became texto non gratis.

Of course, both geographical and social factors influence language, we can see one such thing in this very game of ours.

The good lady Fanny Wildcat, possibly prime suspect number one for the most innuendo laden sentences used in Frontierville, but it's fairly obvious that the designers were American, or at least not British.

You see, a fanny in America is a light slang term for a bottom. Here in Britain a fanny is the word for something on the opposite side of the pelvis and only owned by the female half of the population.

This does put something of a new slant on some things in game...

It's still something of an allowed term, a mere 3 or 4 on the grand scale of swearing, but it's fair to say it's a little ruder than it is for Americans.

Strangely it actually starts a whole chain of language differences from each side of the pond. What Americans call a fanny the UK calls a bum, which to Americans is what the UK calls a tramp, and in America a tramp is a promiscuous woman... and lo we return to Fanny.

I've spent a few interesting nights talking slang differences between the cross-Atlantic versions of English and it certainly brings up the potential for some interesting misunderstandings... (For example English people, do not ask in New York where the tramps are...)

As for social differences I think the most obvious is the view on blasphemy. I hold my hands up to be a perennial user of exclamations such as "God" or "Jesus Christ" etc. I try to temper that usage on the page because I know we have Christian members who dislike it, although one or two might sneak through now and then when I'm especially stressed.

In a way this goes back to the immune swear words of earlier, just as I will happily use darn and heck, I must admit I also use variations of damn and hell. I'll try not to if I know people would be offended, but I personally feel ok in using them, I don't consider them profane... but of course some people might.

I suppose really the only answer I can come up with, my personal feelings on the matter, are that we certainly shouldn't allow hard swearing on the page, F-words, "poop", definately not the C-Word. But in my mind the immune swear words are ok.

I don't mind a heck, a darn, a fudge, as long as they aren't overused... The official age of Facebook is 13, if a kid hasn't heard a darn or heck by then he or she's probably somewhere that doesn't allow the internet anyway.

It's also about respecting others, as with the blaspheming. I will go out of my way to try and temper language I know would offend, and I would like that to be a general feeling on the whole page.

That's my rambling thoughts anyway, I'd be interested in your views on the matter.

[Today's free animal for reading the entire post is an invisible chinchilla. Called Boris. Enjoy!]

Outfoxing the foxes with a new pet?

OK, my previous brainstorming idea seemed to go down OK so here's another one... (Dear Zynga, if this appears in game I want a creative position ;)) I'll say the same as I did the last time, this is hypothetical stuff streaming from my own brain, nothing that is planned or has even been hinted at to me or in public anywhere.

This is an idea that sprung from my brain just minutes ago while chatting to our upside down admin KT about the potential for new injured animals... so, how about this for something that would combine the injured animal mechanics with one of the most desired animals, add a piquant little mission thread and finish up with a little helper on our homesteads that does more than just be tended.

I'll try and talk you through it as it would work in game...

You're harvesting your chickens, geese or turkeys... up pops the message...

"A fox has appeared and tried to eat one of your fowls but... hang on, what's that? A dog has come from the forest and attacked the fox, driving it off. The fight seems to have hurt the poor thing though... looks like you'll need to nurse it back to health..."

In comes the now-known injured animal mechanic as you get your critter milk to nurse it back to health. However, once it's done it then kicks off a small series of missions...

Pioneer's Best Friend I - Housing the Dog: Your new pet needs somewhere to live if he's going to be helpful around the homestead...

Buy a Kennel in the market (small building, say the size of a chicken coop or even smaller)
Finish the Kennel
Craft a comforter

Pioneer's Best Friend II - Feed up the Dog: Your dog's going to need to get bulked up if he's going to be taking on varmints all day...

Have One Rump Steak
Collect 10 Dinner Bowls (Neighbour Request item)
Harvest 20 Wheat

Pioneer's Best Friend III - Train your Dog: It's time to get your dog out there takin' down those varmints, have some friends help train him into a lean, mean fox huntin' machine and make sure to pick yerself up a trophy!

Hire some dog trainers (5 neighbours, the same as the Barbershop staff or Trap Engineers)
Set your dog on one fox
Have one Fox Tail

At the start of this mission the Kennel would become active as a varmint trap. It'd work like a Groundhog trap and have a perimeter, only it'd radiate out in an arc from the front door so it wouldn't have to be placed in a silly central position, it could be slipped into a corner or against a fence. Once mission III is passed any fox that appeared in the radius would be automatically clobbered. Perhaps in base unarmed state the dog could be moved around the farm like any animal and tended for Collection Items (more on that later) coins, XP etc. Then when the kennel is "armed" the dog would move to be stood on guard outside it, there comes the tactical dilemma of using the dog as a fox trap, or a tendable animal. There would be a single dog limit.

Pioneer's Best Friend IV - Keeping those birds safe: Seems you've got yourself a good friend there, helping out on the homestead. Let him do your job and all your fowls can sleep a lot safer until they're ready to sell.

Catch 5 foxes
Trade in a Fox collection
Sell 30 Adult Chickens

There would be a Dog Collection that drops when he catches a fox or you tend him wish consists of:

Water Dish / Ball / Bath / Dog Biscuits / Dog Blanket

This maybe trades in for a dog-style decoration, a chicken boost or simply XP, coins etc.

So there we go, an injured animal that becomes a varmint trap with it's own Collection etc or could simply be used as a pet... we know the idea of a dog is very popular... as is new missions now and then for the "bored" folks ;)

If you've got this far then thank you for letting me indulge my weird brain activity on you, I've run out of invisible badgers so I'll be placing invisible gerbils on all your homesteads instead. Be careful where you walk...