Andy's Workshop

Game chat and stories along with some articles probably for the more geeky among us,
all written by me, Andy.

Click here for my Frontierville Addiction Therapy Guide

Saturday 19 March 2011

The Seedy Side of Town...

[Be aware, some of the contents in this 'humorous' (relative term) post may not be for the young or easily disturbed and adult themes are used. Just like Esta when she's got her ready-for-work face on, approach with caution.]

We often get requests from people for certain buildings, especially when a new one comes out and the same things are often mentioned, things which would have been around back in Frontier times especially.

So, it got me thinking... What would have been around back then we WOULDN'T want to build on our homesteads... and thus a post was born.

Some of these buildings have been mentioned in passing and some are just off the top of my head, so allow me to put on my best tour guide impression and take you on a tour through some of the lesser desired buildings...

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Seedy Sides Tour Guides, your one stop shop for the parts of town definitely on the wrong side of the tracks.

And so, if you gaze to your left you'll see the first building, the Slaughterhouse!

How boring is it to just click on an animal and it vanishes? No more! Now feel the full interactivity of the Frontier self sufficient lifestyle! Click and drag your animals to the slaughterhouse to convert them to cash and food! Make sure to try one of every animal to see every possible animation!

Complete with Bert the Butcher character out front who'll give out interesting facts about which parts of animals go where, let's hope he doesn't explain hot-dogs again! (Hot dogs available from Bert's stall to the left of the Slaughterhouse).

It also solves the problem of those pesky Injured Animals, what if you don't want another one? Well, it's time for some buffalo steaks and a loin of venison!

The building has it's own Slaughterhouse Collection of a bloody apron, a bolt gun, a conveyor belt, tripe and a cleaver (Reward - a butchers outfit). It's also complete with TWO new badge achievements, one for number of animals sent and one for different types of animal.

Now, if you've all finished your complimentary Big Muck from Bert's Burgers I'd ask you to turn your attention to the right because with Bert's level of hygiene you might need this place... Yes folks, Say hello to Sullerton, Stearman and Sprugg, the Frontier's Undertakers!

Mr Sprugg waits patiently outside the building for when you decide you feel like trading in your spouse or simply let them get too close to the new, more dangerous, varmints. Whether it's rattlesnake poison or bear decapitation these people will give your family member the sending off of a lifetime!

Make sure to send your avatars over to them for a proper measuring beforehand and pick which wooden overcoat you'll be wearing from the Undertakers shop menu!

With the Excited Embalmist badge to aim for and the Undertakers Collection (Reward a black funeral carriage) you'll be the Angel of Death in no time!

The Collection includes a top hat, a long tailed coat, a bottle of embalming fluid, lilies and a measuring tape.

Remember to click the updated graveyard for a list of clients and to find the new use for the Flower Shop flowers! Would you like lilies or carnations on there?

Has everyone finished getting measured up? Excellent!

We always leave this place until last because some of our tourists often go missing here... so ladies and gentlemen, there she is!

Upset for the third wheel in the romance missions who didn't get connected up? Feel sorry for poor Jack who's left out altogether?

Never fear! Simply place the Parted Calves Cathouse on your frontier and send your avatars along for a bit of fun with one of the new characters, Tallulabelle and Juan!

You can send any character to the welcoming bordello where they'll vanish from your homestead for a 10 minute countdown, rendering the cathouse unusable. Once the 10 minutes are up you'll pick up a Cathouse Collection item AND 500 coins, your split of the takings.

Once a day you can also collect your own "Daily Bonus" from the building but be aware, although you'll gain a large amount of very interesting experience, this Bonus will drain all remaining energy and has a 3% chance of reinfecting you with the Prairie Pox, requiring another visit to Doc Auburn...

It obviously comes with it's own collection, handcuffs, stockings, leather waistcoat, blindfold and a piece of wood carved into an... exotic shape. This rewards you with the Cathouse Sign to decorate your homestead and a new avatar animation "The Itch".

Aim for the Easy Rider badge for another notch on your... Jackalope belt!

So there we have it folks and... yes? Um, yes, the Doctor's Office is over there... oh dear, we did warn you.

And so, as we come to... yes? No, I haven't seen your husband Ma'am... oh, he went... ah right, yes, he'll be a couple minutes yet.

I hope everyone has enjoyed our lit... YES? No, I'm afraid Juan is not for sale. No Ma'am not even for that much. No Ma'am, he doesn't have a brother. Yes Ma'am, we do sell Juan merchandise of that kind, check in the gift shop, in the curtained off area.

RIGHT, if that's all the questions I hope you all had a wonderful time, please feel free to check the gift shop! Bu bye now!
Are they all gone? Phew, two lost to Bert's burgers, one more in the Undertakers and 5 unaccounted for after the Cathouse... not as bad as last week!


  1. 2 funny... maybe an adult only frontierville....hmmmmmm?

  2. Enjoyable read and funny thought process

  3. But the ladies of the evening establishment is a building needed also. Miss Fanny could have a second job.

  4. Andy, there's something seriously disturbed about your thought processes.... and I hope you NEVER get it straightened out!!

  5. Thank you for re-posting this Its great.

  6. The Cathouse sounds like a good place for Bess to disappear into.

  7. chrissy schaefer30 August 2012 at 00:54

    OMG ! Your just too sick for words ,like most most of us on the frontier! i hope DOC dont find a cure for you!!thank you for the tour{ i may come back to have a looksee behind the courtin to see what kine of trinkets is in the gift shope} i may have need of one or two of them!!!!!

  8. Simply amazing...Andy you have a great mind, thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

  9. Well Andy, I can only say you are a real
    talented person. I still don't know if you are a female or male. I got female friends named Andrea and they go by Andy. I'm also a digital designer, I love photography; when I was younger I helped a relative in his photo studio, I loved it. I love writing too, that doesn't mean am a good writer though. Congratulations Andy! Thank you for helping me with Pioneer Trail when I need it.